Post by Cerridwen Baine on Aug 11, 2011 14:39:18 GMT -6
I stood on the precipice of my mind, flittering in and out of the rage that sought to consume all I was. At first, I didn't want to believe it. But standing before the little cottage, seeing the wreckage around, ripped mar apart from the inside. Voldemort had done this, and now he was gone. At least that was what everyone else thought, some naggling suspicion made me think otherwise. He was gone, leaving behind the broken bodies of those killed by him and his followers.
I stepped over the threshold. One of the first Auror's on the scene. The numbness spread through me. I heard the voices of others around me, but it was hollow in my ears. My mind was in shock. I walked through the little house. The place James and Lily had sought for safety, safety to raise their son. The thought of Little Harry snapped my mind into focus. But it was shattered the moment I saw James' body on the ground.
"James." My mouth barely whispered the words. They sounded hollow, and choked up. I approached his body, dropping to my knees and staring. "Oh James, why? Why dinnae ye allow me to protect ye?" I whispered, me accent getting thicker in my severe emotional state. The tears choked my throat, and stung in my eyes, and I felt the pain continue to rise. Soon enough I was going to end up crying. I was scared, and sad. That's when the sound a crying baby reached my ears. I got up and left James to the other Aurors.
I found him, and Lily's body. My heart was shattering, smashed into pieces. James and Lily had been my friends. Now they were dead. Like my mother and father, and all my brothers but Gwydian. Harry was crying, little hiccups of a babies wail that had faded and died out. I picked him up from his cradled, shushing him gently and kissing the top of his head, as I rocked him back and forth. But the tears broke forth from me, as I held him. Sobbing softly as I held him, stroking his hair. I was holding on to the son of my friends. The last piece I had of my best-friend. I was breaking, and crying, I felt like the child in my arms.
"Och now, little 'arry. Shoosh now, Auntie Cerri has ye." I whispered as I stroked his hair. Taking in the soft gentle smell of a baby, as I wiped away his tears. Leaving my own tears to flow freely down my face. I ignored the other witches and wizards around me. Focusing on the child in my arms. Voldemort was dead, people were celebrating. But there was no celebrating for me. Harry had quieted, as I rocked him. "I'll take care of ye, till ya Godfather Sirius can get 'ere. I'll 'elp him raise yeh." I said softly as I rocked the child back and forth in my arms. That was when a voice broke through my calm, bringing a new wave of pain.
"I'm sorry Cerridwen, but Harry must go to Lily's sister. Petunia Dursley."
I turned and saw the one man that I had always obeyed. "Dumbledore, please. Don't take 'Arry from me. Please, I'm begging you." I cried out, clutching Harry to my chest. Losing James and Lily was all that I could bear, I wanted to raise their child in a world of love. The pain was rising, I did not want to give Harry to a muggle to be raised. I had the displeasure of meeting that particular Muggle. "Please, I beg ye! I'll do anything, let me raise him with Sirius." I wailed, I felt like a child again. Ready to break down into a fresh wave of tears.
Hands slowly took Harry from me. I dropped to my knees. Amber eyes beseeching at Dumbledore not to do this. He just shook his head and left. I buried my face in my hands, sobbing till I couldn't breathe, and then crying till nothing would come. It was a short time later that I heard Sirius' bike start up. I thought nothing of it, lost in my pain as I was. I didn't really think about much anything else. Even as I was brought home, and tended to by one of my team.
That morning was when I saw the paper, it was a short time after the deaths. The paper that spiraled me into another world of heartbreak and pain. It was the Daily Prophet, and it's headliner was what was spinning me into a new world of Pain. Sirius Black was being sent to Azkaban. A flash of pain rushed through me, as I realized that I would never get that moment I had always wanted with him. Not only had I lost James and Lily, now I had lost Sirius.
I tried to reach Remus, but he was gone too. Vanished to parts unknown. So many people dying around me, why was I left standing. Why hadn't I been killed? I heard once that any man could be prepared to die, but only the bravest sought to live. So live I did, every day of my life, each day a reminder that so much blood had been spilled.
It was thirteen years later, that my heart leaped in my chest again. Remus was back! I had seen him, spoken to him. At least I had one of my friends. As an Auror, I couldn't let it be known that I seeking to help Sirius. I would die for him, Sirius was my first love, and losing him was almost more then I could bear. I took this chance to work on trying to get back in touch with him, to try and find a way to make his path easier. Unfortunately I was under suspicion, and was put on a case with someone I knew was a death eater.
It seemed that life had a minuscule amount of hope left. Even with the whispers of Volemort's return. Something I had truly believed would happen. So I rejoined the Order in secret, working to help them in the task ahead. I could sense that something dark was coming, that something dark was looming ahead for all of us. I did my job, and tried to see my friends, but I never seemed to have the time.
It was during the summer between Harry's fourth and fifth year, that I got to see him up close. I stayed quiet when I did. I was in awe at how much he looked like my best friend. It broke me down again, wounds opened fresh in my heart. Sirius was the one that found me. He held on to me as I cried, because he knew how close I had been to James. I knew how close he had been to James. We both needed this moment. He comforted me, and one thing lead to another, I told him the feelings I had locked up for so long. Sirius had just smiled at me, and we spent a night together. It would be my happiest memory for years to come.
I had to return to work then, as much as I wanted to stay with Sirius. As much as I hated the thought that I would be forced to hurt those I cared for. I worked hard, and noticed as time went on there was something odd going on with me. It was a little too late, when I finally realized what was going on. I hid myself away, letting no one know where I had went. I was trying to keep my child safe, I was pregnant. I could not fight, I would not risk the child. The child of Sirius Black. But the spark of happiness created by the child in my womb, would be short lived. I was attacked, while going to my new hiding place.
I woke up in St.Mungo's they told me that I had been saved, but the child had been lost. The children, they said. It had been twins, a boy and a girl. Though it had almost been time for them to be delivered, their bodies had been damaged heavily by the attack that had been directed at me. Once again, life had thrown me another heartbreak. Another spiral of pain, that would rip into my body and heart and soul. I wanted so desperately to not believe it had happened, but it had.
It seemed like the Gods had handed me a life full of nothing but sorrow. Sirius was dead, now completely gone. I had gotten that news, and it the most painful thing I had ever felt. Because I had lost the children, and now he was gone from my life forever. The man I loved was gone. My best friend and his wife. Their son was out of my reach. Remus was busy with his budding romance.
I was forced to leave England. I went back to Scotland with Gwydian and his bride. I kept us protected, and hidden. Till Serena died in child birth. Gwydian vanished then, I was sent to America after that. I was supposed to help there, because they knew I couldn't be trusted to stay in London. I was close to the edge of snapping, it was in every single one of my steps, in every breath I took. When the time finally came for me to return to England, the fight was over.
Voldemort was actually dead now, killed by the child that had lived. The boy I begged and pleaded to raise, the boy that held the last piece of James in this world. I had lived through so much already, and I wondered how much more I would have to go through. I've seen thirty-eight years of life now, all of it has been filled with love and hope. But it was also filled with the pain of the people that had gone on. The pain that ate at my heart, twisting it into a mess of pain. My group all gone and dead, and my tears all dried up. What is there to live for now? I need a new purpose. But what can it be? I'm older now, and feel alone. I've been abandoned, and abandoned others. Where do I go from here?
I stepped over the threshold. One of the first Auror's on the scene. The numbness spread through me. I heard the voices of others around me, but it was hollow in my ears. My mind was in shock. I walked through the little house. The place James and Lily had sought for safety, safety to raise their son. The thought of Little Harry snapped my mind into focus. But it was shattered the moment I saw James' body on the ground.
"James." My mouth barely whispered the words. They sounded hollow, and choked up. I approached his body, dropping to my knees and staring. "Oh James, why? Why dinnae ye allow me to protect ye?" I whispered, me accent getting thicker in my severe emotional state. The tears choked my throat, and stung in my eyes, and I felt the pain continue to rise. Soon enough I was going to end up crying. I was scared, and sad. That's when the sound a crying baby reached my ears. I got up and left James to the other Aurors.
I found him, and Lily's body. My heart was shattering, smashed into pieces. James and Lily had been my friends. Now they were dead. Like my mother and father, and all my brothers but Gwydian. Harry was crying, little hiccups of a babies wail that had faded and died out. I picked him up from his cradled, shushing him gently and kissing the top of his head, as I rocked him back and forth. But the tears broke forth from me, as I held him. Sobbing softly as I held him, stroking his hair. I was holding on to the son of my friends. The last piece I had of my best-friend. I was breaking, and crying, I felt like the child in my arms.
"Och now, little 'arry. Shoosh now, Auntie Cerri has ye." I whispered as I stroked his hair. Taking in the soft gentle smell of a baby, as I wiped away his tears. Leaving my own tears to flow freely down my face. I ignored the other witches and wizards around me. Focusing on the child in my arms. Voldemort was dead, people were celebrating. But there was no celebrating for me. Harry had quieted, as I rocked him. "I'll take care of ye, till ya Godfather Sirius can get 'ere. I'll 'elp him raise yeh." I said softly as I rocked the child back and forth in my arms. That was when a voice broke through my calm, bringing a new wave of pain.
"I'm sorry Cerridwen, but Harry must go to Lily's sister. Petunia Dursley."
I turned and saw the one man that I had always obeyed. "Dumbledore, please. Don't take 'Arry from me. Please, I'm begging you." I cried out, clutching Harry to my chest. Losing James and Lily was all that I could bear, I wanted to raise their child in a world of love. The pain was rising, I did not want to give Harry to a muggle to be raised. I had the displeasure of meeting that particular Muggle. "Please, I beg ye! I'll do anything, let me raise him with Sirius." I wailed, I felt like a child again. Ready to break down into a fresh wave of tears.
Hands slowly took Harry from me. I dropped to my knees. Amber eyes beseeching at Dumbledore not to do this. He just shook his head and left. I buried my face in my hands, sobbing till I couldn't breathe, and then crying till nothing would come. It was a short time later that I heard Sirius' bike start up. I thought nothing of it, lost in my pain as I was. I didn't really think about much anything else. Even as I was brought home, and tended to by one of my team.
That morning was when I saw the paper, it was a short time after the deaths. The paper that spiraled me into another world of heartbreak and pain. It was the Daily Prophet, and it's headliner was what was spinning me into a new world of Pain. Sirius Black was being sent to Azkaban. A flash of pain rushed through me, as I realized that I would never get that moment I had always wanted with him. Not only had I lost James and Lily, now I had lost Sirius.
I tried to reach Remus, but he was gone too. Vanished to parts unknown. So many people dying around me, why was I left standing. Why hadn't I been killed? I heard once that any man could be prepared to die, but only the bravest sought to live. So live I did, every day of my life, each day a reminder that so much blood had been spilled.
It was thirteen years later, that my heart leaped in my chest again. Remus was back! I had seen him, spoken to him. At least I had one of my friends. As an Auror, I couldn't let it be known that I seeking to help Sirius. I would die for him, Sirius was my first love, and losing him was almost more then I could bear. I took this chance to work on trying to get back in touch with him, to try and find a way to make his path easier. Unfortunately I was under suspicion, and was put on a case with someone I knew was a death eater.
It seemed that life had a minuscule amount of hope left. Even with the whispers of Volemort's return. Something I had truly believed would happen. So I rejoined the Order in secret, working to help them in the task ahead. I could sense that something dark was coming, that something dark was looming ahead for all of us. I did my job, and tried to see my friends, but I never seemed to have the time.
It was during the summer between Harry's fourth and fifth year, that I got to see him up close. I stayed quiet when I did. I was in awe at how much he looked like my best friend. It broke me down again, wounds opened fresh in my heart. Sirius was the one that found me. He held on to me as I cried, because he knew how close I had been to James. I knew how close he had been to James. We both needed this moment. He comforted me, and one thing lead to another, I told him the feelings I had locked up for so long. Sirius had just smiled at me, and we spent a night together. It would be my happiest memory for years to come.
I had to return to work then, as much as I wanted to stay with Sirius. As much as I hated the thought that I would be forced to hurt those I cared for. I worked hard, and noticed as time went on there was something odd going on with me. It was a little too late, when I finally realized what was going on. I hid myself away, letting no one know where I had went. I was trying to keep my child safe, I was pregnant. I could not fight, I would not risk the child. The child of Sirius Black. But the spark of happiness created by the child in my womb, would be short lived. I was attacked, while going to my new hiding place.
I woke up in St.Mungo's they told me that I had been saved, but the child had been lost. The children, they said. It had been twins, a boy and a girl. Though it had almost been time for them to be delivered, their bodies had been damaged heavily by the attack that had been directed at me. Once again, life had thrown me another heartbreak. Another spiral of pain, that would rip into my body and heart and soul. I wanted so desperately to not believe it had happened, but it had.
It seemed like the Gods had handed me a life full of nothing but sorrow. Sirius was dead, now completely gone. I had gotten that news, and it the most painful thing I had ever felt. Because I had lost the children, and now he was gone from my life forever. The man I loved was gone. My best friend and his wife. Their son was out of my reach. Remus was busy with his budding romance.
I was forced to leave England. I went back to Scotland with Gwydian and his bride. I kept us protected, and hidden. Till Serena died in child birth. Gwydian vanished then, I was sent to America after that. I was supposed to help there, because they knew I couldn't be trusted to stay in London. I was close to the edge of snapping, it was in every single one of my steps, in every breath I took. When the time finally came for me to return to England, the fight was over.
Voldemort was actually dead now, killed by the child that had lived. The boy I begged and pleaded to raise, the boy that held the last piece of James in this world. I had lived through so much already, and I wondered how much more I would have to go through. I've seen thirty-eight years of life now, all of it has been filled with love and hope. But it was also filled with the pain of the people that had gone on. The pain that ate at my heart, twisting it into a mess of pain. My group all gone and dead, and my tears all dried up. What is there to live for now? I need a new purpose. But what can it be? I'm older now, and feel alone. I've been abandoned, and abandoned others. Where do I go from here?
